This is the term I would use to describe what I need right now. This word shows up in my mind all the time, I see it everywhere. I’ve never felt this high level of anxiety, panic attacks, restlessness, tiredness, stress before ever in my life. When I have to go and train, my brain is already so exhausted that it affects my performance and energy when training. I feel like I never have a break. Even when I go to sleep, I am restless and I never get a good nights sleep. It is really quite tiring. I guess that is why peace has been something I have been trying grasp and grab hold of.

I feel like whenever I talk about the situation I am in and my feeling towards it, people get a sense of anxiety and stress from my tone of voice. But really telling the story doesn’t add any clarity, it just reminds me of what happened and how it makes me feel. When talking to my therapist, I spent our whole session just talking about everything that had happened. I felt like I was speed talking because we only had a limited amount of time to talk and I knew that this story takes forever to tell, at least for me. The therapist had to cut me off because the session was about over and he didn’t even get to helping me. Usually telling the story would be a persons way of being able to vent, but I’ve already did that and so it did nothing for me to retell the story. He listened to me though and understood me and how I felt, and that I respected. He showed care and understanding and also verbalized it. That is what made things a bit different and it made me wish we had more time to talk. Even though time was up, he said “I realize that this isn’t easy for you and everything you said was perfect. You need to heal, you need to get better for yourself”. He then went on to ask “Can I pray for you?” When he started praying, the first words he said were “God please bring her peace…” and that hit hard. That is exactly what I want and need, and I didn’t even tell him that is what I wanted.

God is the Lord of peace. He sent his son to earth to take away our sins so that we can have a relationship with Him, the creator. God says in John 16:33 “I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” The perfect peace we look to find is only found through our faith in Jesus. Peace with God (forgiveness of sins), peace with others (ability to forgive others), and peace with ourselves (ability to forgive ourselves) and our own consciences comes from Jesus’ work on the cross. God tests and purifies our faith through trials and tribulations. Tests and trails reveals to us what is hidden in our hearts and who/what we are really putting our trust and hope in. Our faith is very precious to God. Jesus did not pray that Paul would not betray Him, but that HIS FAITH WOULD NOT FAIL. God has already defeated this world. Remember that if you are struggling with any battles, He has already WON the battle and He wants nothing more than for His peace and presence to be known.

Thank you to everyone who has prayed for me. I am very thankful to have you in my life.

Talk soon,

Emily

(p.s. happy halloween)