Skeletons in the closet is an informal phrase and idiom used to describe something bad or embarrassing that happened in someone’s past and that has been kept secret. It would cause embarrassment if it were known. This phrase has been on my mind lately. As each season of life continues and moves on, it feels like the skeletons of my past self, in my closet, have been building up. I recall the person I was and it haunts me in a way, it embarrasses me to know that someone may only know and think of me as the variant of who I am now.

I recently finished a book called “The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo” by Taylor Jenkins Reid. It was glorious in the way she portrayed the extravagant and scandalous life of Evelyn Hugo as a Hollywood icon, and the true history with her seven husbands. She lived many lives and lived with many lives. She made herself known and did what she thought was best out of the given circumstances. Just as a cat has 9 lives, each husband Evelyn had felt like a new life to me. While she ended the relationships with her husbands for different reasons, it was never something she was able to keep in the past. The paparazzi was always there reminding the world of the many husbands of Evelyn Hugo. It caused frustration for her and her desired love life. Which in the end, she decided to tell the world the truth by having someone write her biography on the real and true Evelyn.

For a while, I have had this feeling of embarrassment regarding my past self and past actions. It is mostly who I was in past relationships (friendships and romantic relationships). I recall myself from years ago not being logical and not thinking clearly. I would act how I would feel, off of my emotions…very immature in that aspect. I wasn’t really taking the time to think about exactly what I was doing based on how I was internally feeling, and in turn, never tried to look for a better, logical option (which I now feel so dumb for). But just as Evelyn had her seasons, I’ve had seasons too. Evelyn’s actions determined where she was going to go, but the events that had happened as a result, shaped who she was. She never regretted a choice she made because it made her who she was and gave her the life she had, and I feel that same exact way. Even though I sit here feeling so embarrassed and ashamed of who I was, I wouldn’t take any of it back. It is because of those experiences that I am the person I am now. God takes us through these seasons of life to grow us. Sometimes those seasons will be in the valley and sometimes you will experience them in the mountains, looking out upon all that God has done in your life. In that moment when you are up high on that mountain, He gives you the ability to reflect on all that occurred in the valley. It’s easy to be thankful for all the good God has done in your life, but it’s even better when you can be thankful and grateful for all the bad that has occurred in your life because it is in those valleys where you grow. It is a wonderful thing really, having all of those skeletons in the closet.

Best,

Emily